Who am I?

I was born and I sought an identity.
I wanted to know who I am.
They said you are your Fathers son.
I believed that until I found out,
That they didn’t talk of the bond,
But something they called Religion.

I was confused and asked my folks
And they said you are who you believe you are.
People said you can’t be both
You have to choose and take a single Oath.
I chose my own way,
Decided to say my Namaaz,
And also fold my hands and pray.

They said you can’t be a Hindu
Coz your people kill and they believe in Holy Warfare

They said you can’t be a Muslim
Coz you believe in idols and for a thread across your chest you wear.

I asked my folks again on why did this happen to me?
And they said “You are like the Wind that finds your own way”
That’s the reason they call me ‘Samir’
Coz the wind belongs to neither the Muslim nor the Kaafir.

Wedding Blues -Part 2

14Th August, 2009
Today made me realise that the meeting between parents is like a football match. The first leg is played at the boys place and the second leg at the girls place. Today was the second leg match.
I drove my parents 50 Kms to her place. 8'o clock was the time to reach, to maintain the Indian tradition i reached at 8:15, so that this time i could talk about traffic. The entire family was invited but my dearest bro decided to make a late entrance at 8:40 with his darling wife. The interesting part happened here between 8:15 and 8:40.
Our welcome was with words like "Hello!", "Hi", "Please come!" and then the shake hands. The rest escaped easily but i was scanned by my Mother-in-law..first i thought she is looking for some dust particles on me and she will get a vacuum cleaner and get rid of the same but that was until i realised, it was something like what happens in terminator..scan in X direction...scan in Y...match found.....Target in reach!
Nonetheless i was welcomed into the drawing room, after settling down and talking about the traffic for 10 mins (YES..Finally..i got the traffic its deserved 10 mins). Then my mom gave her "Bahu" the gifts she had got her from the US of A. The in-laws had to be content with a photo frame and a box of chocolates. The daughter in law getting the expensive jewellery.
Then the time to ask "would you like something to drink", the 21st century has abolished the tea-coffee and replaced it with the Vodka-Whiskey. My mom (Alcohol hater) stuck to a glass of coke and my dad said "Scotch will be fine". My Father-in-law asked me if i would like to drink something and i said "Not really, i have to drive back" and i thought this was a goal..they will think what a responsible and mature lad but this was not only cleared from the goal line but my father-in-law even managed to score on the counter attack when he said "you can have Pepsi and drive back."
In-laws :1
Samir: 0
The next goal was scored immediately there after when i was finally offered "Hard" drinks. "What will you have?" and the defence was left open by me when i said "Anything is fine", the volley came in the form of "Whiskey with Vodka chalega?" i must mention the evil grin on the scorer face. my father-in law had scored again for the In laws.
In-laws :2
Samir: 0
It was 8:40 and brother had arrived and i felt like i had been given one extra defender to play with. The drinks were served and i was waiting to equalize.
This time it was a plate of cut cucumber and carrots, (the next few lines are best read fast)..natasha gets the plate, passes to her brother, her brother very elegantly slides it on the center table, her mom picks up the plate and cuts through after offering my brother and now its one-on one with the goalkeeper(me). The goal keeper anticipates the move and decides to pick up his favourite cucumber and its a save....no but wait..the mother-in-law makes a face and with big eyes tells me...."You should eat your carrots its good for the eyes"...GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAL.
In-laws :3
Samir: 0.
And half time it was.
Difference between law and in-law is you can justify yourself before law but never before in-laws

The Wedding Blues

14th of June 2009, a special day in my life…this was not just another Sunday morning. This was the day her parents were coming home to talk about “The wedding”. I had butterflies in my stomach since morning. The previous day was all about cleaning, clean the rooms, the carpet, the walls, the paintings everything that was clean as well. I was thinking about what I am going to wear in the evening. It seemed like I am the bride and the guy is coming to meet me for the first time. I practiced a million times of what will I say when I introduce the two parties..uh..i mean parents. “Hello aunty..this is my mom and this is my dad”…no…”Good evening…”, “salaam-o-ailikum”, “Sastriyakaal…”, “Kemon ascho”….don't remember what stopped me trying out the various accents and styles.

Spoke to my parents and discussed everything from the “to-do” list to the “must avoid” list. I also made a list of things that shouldn't’t be bought up, something like “When he was 3, he used to love taking of the heads of all the dolls his cousins had”, now we really didn’t want them to think of me as a psycho who might take their daughters head off and then come after them.

The afternoon was spent in intense family discussions, like what date should be OK and when should the wedding be. The evening was approaching and the butterflies were enjoying the obnoxious gases in my tummy and fluttering like my intestine was some big flower. I spoke to her telling her to keep me informed of where they were and how much more time it would take them. The closer they got the more the anxiety, the nervousness was increasing. Finally….she called and said “we are almost there”. I almost jumped up on my chair as I someone just passed 15000 volts of current through me.
Before I knew it I was standing at the door and smiling, helping her bro park the car and hoping he doesn’t bang into some wall. Well, they came and I said “Hello Aunty, Hello Uncle, This is my mom and this is my dad….Attack!” well the “Attack” was said silently only for me to hear. She was looking very pretty, the damn butterflies started fluttering as if they were mating inside and multiplying at a very fast rate.

They settled down..well a bit of shuffling happened as well but then each one had taken their positions…Attack!...damn those butterflies!
It started with the usual talk “Traffic??? No”. If they did get traffic on the way that would have extended the conversation by another 10 mins “That’s become so regular these days and don’t know what will happen in the rains…”
Somewhere in between I was lost looking at how pretty she was looking but then her brother would come into the picture to pick up another kebab from the plate.

The talks went on and it was decided that the wedding would be a Bengali style wedding. And I would have to wear the topur (A conical shaped structure made using Plaster of Paris) and balance that all nite. I would also have to wear a DHOTI….. my first attempt to negotiate was ignored…the second went unheard…the third…..
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
“Samir..you cant get everything you way”….The mother-in-law had spoken and I felt like a criminal standing in the court where the judge had found me guilty and sentenced me to 3rd degree torture. I mustered all my courage and strength and replied “ok..aunty..i will wear it”. I am negotiating and trying to blackmail the daughter…this mystery shall be revealed when I post my wedding pictures.

The evening passed by and I think the obnoxious gas in my stomach finally killed the butterflies. 29th Jan 2010 was the date finalized after a week. Watch this space for more wedding blues….

The Closet

Each one of us has a closet that we open every day of our lives, stuff it with memories and lock it. The key to this closet are various events and people who are nothing but the part of your closet. This closet has enough space for a lifetime. Some have a less filled closet while some have the one that overflows. This is a closet in which there are various sections that we create. Certain sections that remind us of who we are or who we can be or who we could have been. Certain sections make us laugh; some make us cry.
Thinking back on the times spent I see so many things that I could have done differently. So many things that could have gone the other way and changed my entire life.
When I think back on those school days when it was “early to bed and early to rise”. How I loved going to school. I still remember the smell of the new school bag. The water bottle that opened on the press of a button. The bench that I would sit for the next year. My new neighbour, my new roll number, my new Tiffin box with Goofy making faces every time I took a bite, the recess bell, the final bell. The school bus where you met your old friends and told them about all the new ones. My mom waiting for me when I got off the bus. My darling brother tugging my bag and then walking with his arm around my shoulders. The evening filled with cricket matches, the fights, the wounds. The exams and the frown after a bad paper. Tuition classes, the homework. I remember it all.
As we grow, things around us change, we mould into a shape life moulds us into. The first rack of your closet is full of memories from school. I still recollect certain events when I bump into a friend from school whom I have long forgotten.
College: This is the section in your closet that has the most memories stacked up, a lot of them overflowing. A testimony to the fact that you have now grown up and can live life on your own terms. I still remember walking into college the first day trying to be all serious and promising to study hard this year. The place where you meet one of those “Special people”.
You remember everything about the first time you saw her. Her hair flying, her sweet smile and she walking right by you. A tickle through your stomach, the world has stopped and you are hypnotised. Trying to find out if she is Arts, Science or Commerce. Stealing looks in the class. Telling your “new best friend” about her .The many attempts of try to tell her how much she means to you and then meeting her boyfriend the day you have decided to tell her. Being all heartbroken but only till the other one walks by and you are hypnotised all over again. And the cycle continues till you get lucky.
The final year approaching, the career talks begin. You still haven’t decided on what you want to do. The rich friends are off to the US, the poor ones looking for a job and you are still thinking. You never know when the year went by and you have a job that you totally thrilled about. Meeting your friends over the weekend for the first few months. The weekends turn into months and the months into years and so the second rack is full as well and you have bolted the door once again.
By now you have realised that life will never be the same again.
This is to all my friends who have filled my closet with memories.
Anni : The old school pal
Radhu: Golu!
Presley: The sweetest thing!
Meena: The friend who never let you down.
Naazu: The perfect lady
Omkar: The cricket fanatic.
And last but not the least my Best friend
Tasha: The love of my life....Someone who makes my life worthwhile.

We the Indians!

Recently i have been having conversations with a lot of people on "India" and "Indians". These have not been all patriotic. There were some "Mera Bharat Mahan" and the some were "What has this country done for me?", some who said "What have i done for my country?" and many more people who i interacted with and spoke to about India. All this made me go and analyze wat or who is an ordinary Indian.
My first encounter with "Indianity" was in a movie theater were i went to see a movie called "Little Zizou".
1. We are the only country that plays the National Anthem before starting the movie.
We love A.R. Rehman in his white Kurta Pyjama,his hair flying doing the "Jaya hey!" "Jaya hey!".."jaya jaya jaya hey!". This made me think do they play the National anthem even for those "In-some-by lane" movie halls where the matinee show is more popular than the Channel V late night show.
Y would someone play the national anthem when u are there for entertainment? I came to the conclusion..since we tend to forget things easily this is the way our countrymen make us rehearse.
2. We love the Firangs!
First we throw the Brits out of our country and now we show Ads everywhere around England "Visit India", "Incredible !ndia", thats right, its our way of saying "Please comeback....please...we promise we will never ask you to leave". I usually find men staring at the Firang women. We take the term "Looking through the soul" too literaly. The indian male things "forget the soul, that may take years! if i stare for a little while i am sure i can get through the clothes". Coming back to the love that we show the White Skined, if you have ever visited a historic monument you will find these "Guides"(they need guidance themselves) explaining history to these "Goras" like they lived with the Kings and were trained by them to be Guides (the king was worried about the Indian economy).If you have a cousin or a relative who has been abroad(mainly US and UK, the other countries are considered a part of one of these) for more than 5 years, he is termed as the esteemed guest, the chief guest etc... When the visit india all they do is click pictures of "3 men on a bike", "Trains" and "The naked street urchins". Dude! you have naked ppl all over the US and UK!
I shall add more these...i am sure we are made of a lot more than this!

Yeh Bandhan toh Pyaar ka Bandhan hai....

And they lived happily ever after.....

Life @ 25

Like someone said "Life is too short for Traffic". When i reflect back on this i realize that its been 25 years and where is the traffic. It seems like i have been on a Highway all the while.But suddenly at 25 it seems like the Highway has suddenly turned into a busy Market street and i just cant move.I was so used to driving life in 5th gear that i just cant drive anymore, feels like i m going to crash somewhere.
I am sure all those who have been through it might just read this and smile and say "look another one with a Quater-Life Crisis".
What is this Quater-Life Crisis? Is it a period of transition? Is it a time when they say"Welcome to the real world"? Is this when your parents say "Son, you are on your own now"?
When i try to answer these questions i think life is not random it has a pattern, a process that each one has to go through and at the end this is what makes us what we become. I see people at the age of 23 yrs and i see them relaxed and still driving on the highway and i want to scream out loud and say "Buckle up! A rough ride ahead". Want to put up a sign that says "Go Slow! Life Ahead"
When u turn 25, u suddenly become responsible coz thats the period when u feel its now or never. Everyone around you is getting married or changing jobs and trust me in both cases the ones u least expect have both a better job and a better wife!. This is the time when u decide who are the people who will be invited to all aniversary and birthday bashes henceforth.
Your dreams of becoming a Mukesh Ambani or A Ratan Tata start to fade (that is only if you have given up ur dream of becoming a JEDI). You start becoming more practical and think about whats the right thing to do. This is when ur bored of the junk food and want to become more aware about Soya and Diet Coke.
On the positive side you act more mature, you get serious about work and give it all you have.
Your idea of a good time is no more going to a Disco and the go to Mcdonalds. This is when u graduate from Malboro to Wills classic milds. This is when you move from Vodka to Whiskey. This is when you look for a non-faded regular fit jeans rather than choosing a low waist jeans with a 50 cent sticker on it. You look for shirts rather than jerseys.
This is when you move out of your parents house to a small rented apartment where you still have some of your old posters but thats just to cover the dampness marks on the wall.
This is when a Boy becomes a Man and a Girl becomes a Lady(Woman? dont really know whats the difference they still nag and shop)
Neways so for all you 20-24 yrs old.. "Go slow!Life Ahead". Drive at full speed while you can but when u approach the sign "25...12 months ahead" try to slow down and get used to the real thing!